Feel the Fear ... Street

Greetings on this chilly All Hallow’s Eve! I want to share with you the horror books that captured my heart!

I love all books. But I have a special soft spot in my heart for cheesy teen horror novels. If you are a child of the ‘90s, you might know what I’m talking about: Fear Street. R. L. Stine introduced us to books that had chills crawling up our spines, and, as he himself has admitted, acting as a training bra to get us ready for Stephen King’s D-cups of horror.

Fear Streets are cheesy, implausible, often laughably ridiculous, and I love them so much. You might call me a Fear Street super fan. So much so that I have another blog that is dedicated entirely to Fear Street, called Shadyside Snark. With my sister, we have recapped every single Fear Street book out there. And that took some dedicated searching through flea markets and ebay, let me tell you. I’m basically an expert at tracking down Fear Streets. And I bet you have a few battered paperbacks in your attic somewhere, because everyone does.

So why should you reread your old Fear Streets? I will give you several reasons (In absolutely no conceivable order whatsoever):

1. The awkward descriptions of kisses between chaste teenagers. They rarely sound enjoyable at all. R. L. Stine will almost always describe the kisses as hot and dry, or just plain dry. We started to protest what is obviously his prediliction for dry lips. But the absolute winning kiss has to go with The Face:

“Martha also talks about Aaron’s awesome kisses and how they taste like nacho cheese. What the fuck?! CHEESE? That’s just … effing weird Martha.”

2. The best poetry attempts

And by the best, I do mean the worst.

“I’m howling, howling; Howling my love. Gotta claw my way back; Back to you.” - werewolf poetry

3. The letter openers

The letter opener is the best murder weapon, bar none, and much more common than you would think. You might be thinking to yourself that you don’t know anyone who owns a letter opener, but approximately 45% of people are killed in Shadyside by one. The stats don’t lie.

4. The mind-boggingly gross-out ways that R. L. has thought up to off his characters

Look away if your stomach turns easily, because here is a list of the most gruesome Fear Street deaths (as determined by me):

Scalded to death (Cheerleaders: First Evil)

Impaled by camera (The Third Horror)

Face torn off in tobogganing accident (The Perfect Date)

Death by pottery wheel (Lights Out)

Death by printing press (Final Grade)

Buried alive (The Burning)

Skinned as a cat; Rat stuffed down the throat (Evil Moon)

Piano wire across ski hill (The Face)

Death by water cooler (Cheerleaders: The New Evil)

Head ground in mill; Head boiled in a vat of potatoes (The Awakening Evil)

For much, much more, check out Shadyside Snark! And let me know your favourite Fear Street. I don’t believe you if you say you’ve never read them. Leave a comment to find out my very favourite one.

Happy Halloween, dear readers. Sweet nightmares!